Cyclothymic Cister

Before the Internet, I used to lie in bed at night composing thoughts as if I were talking to a wise entity. (An actual face never came to mind). I would re-word and re-phrase the thoughts till they were crystal clear. Now I can blog. And hopefully, there are a lot of wise people with real faces out there who might just comment back.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Little Lives that Light up my Life

Tiny and Kaelyn - First Meeting

Kaelyn & Tiny―Sleepyheads

Kaelyn & Tutti Frutti on Kaelyn's 5th Birthday

Like Mother Like Daughter

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Raining Cats and Dog(s)

I haven’t updated you lately on the pet situation. You may remember that a while back I thought the answer to my problems was a German Shepherd Dog. And you may remember that it didn’t work out because she didn’t like the cats. We had five cats (now six) and of course the cats were first. So the dog went back.

Then, my daughter came to stay with me and brought with her a mother cat with five kittens and a Chihuahua. They would have died if left in the environment they were in. I’m a rescuer by nature (whether it be human or animal), so our household grew.

Well, the daughter left—leaving the pets behind. We found good homes for the mother cat and four of the kittens. We kept one kitten (on purpose) and the Chihuahua by default. His name is Tiny.

Tiny had been abused for the first year of his life. My daughter took him in. Then her ex started abusing the poor thing. He was about a day away from dying when we got him

Now Tiny is a happy healthy little thing—very shy around men, but loves children and other animals. I guess we’ll keep him.

Isn’t life ironic? First I had a majestic, beautiful well-bred, highly trained German Shepard Dog. Now, as if God is keeping my pride in check, the German Shepherd has been replaced by an in-bred, misfit, homely, four pound character who has a crooked jaw, turned-in ankles, buggy eyes, a scar on his head and who snores at night. But over-all, he is the better choice.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

I'm Floored

It has been a long time coming and I still can’t believe it is true, but we now have our new hardwood floors installed. The floors are beautiful!

But that’s not all. We are getting multiple projects finished, cleaning out the garage and tool shop (which now has steps and a deck for easy access) and getting rid of clutter in the house. We are seeing to it that everything has a place and is put away.

Let me give you a little background: the combination of disarray, chaos, clutter and need for maintenance on our home has been a source of much strife in my life. (Please click over to “My Husbands Crap” blog site and scroll down to earlier entries). I would get my hopes up that changes were coming, only to be let down again when something else took precedence. To be more accurate, my needs and desires were usurped.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick. (Proverbs 13:12.). I had been pleading for help in alleviating the source of stress for over four years only to be repeatedly ignored. I had taken to retreating to my bedroom as soon as I got home from work. My creativity and motivation had been sapped because of the helter-skelter. I was in counseling for a year.

( From a book by Peter Walsh a psychologist: Clutter denies us peace of mind: Time and again, the people I deal with attribute much of the conflict in their relationships or the sense of hopelessness in their lives to the clutter itself. . . . .I constantly see couples whose lives are torn apart from their arguments about disorganization. Many of these people also struggle with anxiety or depression.

From time to time the anger and frustration would drive me to try to do something about the situation. For example, I painted four rooms, including the 12 ft tall walls, without ANY help. Another time I got out my razor knife and started cutting up the carpet after coming home to its glaring filth one too many times. Then for months I lived with the bare sub-floor in the entryway.

Finally I could not take any more. I was moments away from taking desperate measures---then things changed. In an instant. As if I had awoken from a nightmare. I am in a state of disbelief!

My husband started working on cleaning up the clutter and finishing projects. And the momentum continues—not just half-starts. The most amazing thing that changed, however, was his attitude toward these issues. He worked willingly and with a genuine desire to accomplish the changes for which I had so desperately pleaded; and he did it without resentment. I am truly floored by the turn of events.

Whatever evil spirit was hovering over our home must have given up. The tenacity we displayed in hanging on in spite of shattered emotions must have worn down the efforts of that demon so he left. All I know is that when I look around in astonishment that my hopes have finally been realized, I am flooded with joy. My gratitude for prayers answered is overwhelming. I can’t speak of it without my voice faltering.

Now when my husband and I observe the results of our work: the clutter cleared and the messes cleaned up, the floors installed, the entry-way steps finished, the walls freshened with paint, the office organized, the tool shop finished and tools picked up, the garage cleared, the landscaping finished and our relationship restored we take pride in our accomplishments.

So here is what I’d like to say to the powers that tried to destroy me (to quote Steve McQueen from the movie Papillion):

Hey you bastards, I'm still here”.