Cyclothymic Cister

Before the Internet, I used to lie in bed at night composing thoughts as if I were talking to a wise entity. (An actual face never came to mind). I would re-word and re-phrase the thoughts till they were crystal clear. Now I can blog. And hopefully, there are a lot of wise people with real faces out there who might just comment back.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Bitterness Averted

It has been a year since my youngest daughter was mercifully released on probation from the county distention center. She showed signs of wanting to start afresh and of wanting to live a better life. With that in mind, I helped her as much as I could, from paying an attorney so she could keep custody of her child to providing her with housing, to buying paint to brighten up the place, to moving furniture. I had already paid the attorney that got her sentenced reduced to probation. You get the picture. I did what any caring mother would do.

Finally it looked like I would get a little payback on the money. (See post for May 18, 2006). My daughter agreed to let me keep her income tax refund. I received the check and was breathing a sigh of relief thinking this was a reprieve. That same day another expense ensued and without hesitation I used that check again to help my daughter. On my way out the door that morning, I felt compelled to turn around and go back into my bedroom where I kept a little vintage prayer book. I looked up the day of the month (it is a perpetual calendar) and read that day’s prayer. My eyes fell on these words: O God, incline my heart to follow in this way: Jesus said, “Do good and lend hoping for nothing again.” (Luke 6:35) Those words strangely comforted me.

Nine months have gone by since that day. For some reason, again, out of the blue, I picked up that little prayer book and turned to the appropriate day of the month. I was taken aback when I read those very same words and realized it was the same day of the month as that day nine months ago. The first time I read those words, I was full of optimism because I felt that my generosity would pay off, not by collecting on debts owed me, but by my daughter becoming a productive citizen and a good mother. But the second time I read those words, the situation had come full circle: my daughter has not improved; she has gone the other way. She is a disgrace. She is an unfit mother. She has violated probation numerous times and it appears her time has run out. I feel like everything I have given her has been defiled.

Already discouraged, I was about to become bitter. Then I read those words again, "Do good and lend, hoping for nothing again". I guess “nothing” truly means “nothing”. Yet if you follow that passage of scripture a little further you will read, “Give and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over . . .(Luke 6:38). God is faithful. I will continue giving without bitterness, even if the payback is pending eternity.

An aside: My granddaughter is not in harms way. She has a very safe secure home with her father and she visits me every other weekend.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Double-entendre



My husband wanted to use our digital camera but the memory was full. I told him to go ahead and delete the pictures that I had taken of the moon, as they had turned out black. He said, “I’m glad they aren’t pictures of MY moon." I said, “Yea, the pictures would be overexposed. "

Friday, March 02, 2007

I Have Sparkle in My Life


Meet Sparkle.

All winter long I watched QVC and was mesmerized by the sparkling jewelry. Little did I know that my longing for jewels would be fulfilled in the form of a beautiful intelligent sweet German Shepherd Dog named Sparkle
(Now if the cats can adjust)!