Cyclothymic Cister

Before the Internet, I used to lie in bed at night composing thoughts as if I were talking to a wise entity. (An actual face never came to mind). I would re-word and re-phrase the thoughts till they were crystal clear. Now I can blog. And hopefully, there are a lot of wise people with real faces out there who might just comment back.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Unfurling from the Fetal Position

I’ve never been so lazy.

When I get home from work at 5:10 p.m. (I just live 2.8 miles from work), I get my pajamas on, make a quick supper (instant rice or something) and get in bed and watch TV and/or read. That is all I want to do. I look forward to it everyday. My mind tells me I should be doing something useful or visiting my elderly mother, but I can’t get past my desire for self-indulgence.

I have no children at home. My husband is working nights. Domestic choirs are minimal. So I just give in and retreat to my sanctuary.

It hasn’t always been like this. On any given year since, oh say 1986 (but who is counting), I have had drama on top of drama. Even recently (and on-going) my life has been plagued with drama. So it isn’t any wonder that I relish peace when it is available. (It is more like reverting back to the fetal position to block out the pain of life than it is self-indulgence, however). Still, I am rationalizing.

But now that the most depressing day of the year is past (Jan. 24) I am beginning to unfurl from the fetal position and start living again. I have to tell myself that it is ok to have a mixture of productive and non-productive days so that I won’t get overwhelmed. You see, being “cyclothymic” I tend to go from one extreme to the other—all or nothing.

So, this entry on my blog is a start. Wish me luck.

5 Comments:

At 6:54 AM, Anonymous cardiogirl said...

Hey Cister,

Welcome back! Sometimes you need to hang out under the covers until you get your bearings. I'm sure your readers will wait until you're ready.

I apologize if I am prying, but wonder what January 24th signifies. If you don't want to talk about it, that's cool.

 
At 11:50 AM, Blogger Cyclothymic Cister said...

According to this news report

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6847012/


Jan. 24 is the most depressing day of the year.

"Is the midwinter weather wearing you down? Are you sinking in debt after the holidays? Angry with yourself for already breaking your New Year's resolutions? Wish you could crawl back under the covers and not have to face another day of rain, sleet, snow and paperwork? Probably. After all, it's Jan. 24, the “most depressing day of the year,” according to a U.K. psychologist".

 
At 6:38 AM, Anonymous cardiogirl said...

Thanks for the clarification!

 
At 8:34 PM, Blogger Jordan said...

I can relate. I almost enjoy, nothing more, than to come home and put my pajama pants and house shoes on and relax. The hardest thing for me is to fall asleep though. My mind wants to reflect on everything that I did throughout the day, and what I need to do for the next one.

 
At 10:07 PM, Blogger aj-today said...

Interesting about January 24. I had just heard that myself about it being the most depressing day of the year. And add to all those other reasons the fact that tax season is approaching. HOWEVER, I’m the odd ball. I like winter and especially January. (Read my post titled Summertime Blues on beefsandpeeves.blogspot.com) Anyway, Cister, I don’t think you ARE rationalizing about hibernating in your bedroom. You deserve the rest and should NOT feel guilty.

 

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