Cyclothymic Cister

Before the Internet, I used to lie in bed at night composing thoughts as if I were talking to a wise entity. (An actual face never came to mind). I would re-word and re-phrase the thoughts till they were crystal clear. Now I can blog. And hopefully, there are a lot of wise people with real faces out there who might just comment back.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

The First Cut is the Deepest

A heart wrenching disappointment is facing me. This has caused me to reflect back on the major times of suffering in my life. The first time (not counting when I was fourteen and my dad sold my horse), was when my first husband betrayed me on many different levels. I was innocent and undefiled when it came to such matters. The wound went deep.

Then just as my situation was improving, (though I was still raw from my first wound), my oldest daughter turned on me and everything that was wholesome. Her actions and lifestyle were deplorable. I lay prostrate on the floor crying my heart out when I first realized the extent of it.

Shortly thereafter, I went through a divorce. You don’t come out of a divorce unscathed.

A more recent heartache involved my youngest daughter and her child (my precious granddaughter). It was such a sorrowful situation. I grieved, mourned, wept and prayed; yet I carried on as though the world depended on me.

The difference between the first hurt and the hurts thereafter is just that. You carry on. You begin taking things in stride. Your dismay lessens with every stab.

Now I am facing another crisis. It is marital in nature. Still, I will carry on. I will not be dismayed. The power people have over me to cause grief is not so great anymore. The first cut is the deepest. After that, the scar tissue is tough and thick and the knife cannot cut as keenly.


At 2:29 PM, Blogger Jordan said...

I am praying for you.

At 6:50 PM, Blogger Cyclothymic Cister said...

Thank you, jordan, I can use it. By the way, I am doing much better now and there seems to be hope.

At 11:17 AM, Blogger Chicka said...


Sorry I haven't been here with my hugs lately. Ups and downs...:sigh:


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