Cyclothymic Cister

Before the Internet, I used to lie in bed at night composing thoughts as if I were talking to a wise entity. (An actual face never came to mind). I would re-word and re-phrase the thoughts till they were crystal clear. Now I can blog. And hopefully, there are a lot of wise people with real faces out there who might just comment back.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Praise me if I Please You

If I think I am pleasing you, I will work my heart out. In fact, I will try that much harder to do a good job. Employers should understand that concept. Husbands should understand that concept. To illustrate just how responsive I am to praise let me share a little anecdote. A few months ago I had to have an MRI of my shoulder. The assistant told me to hold very still and then he place head phones on my head, turned on the conveyor and off I went into the tunnel. Periodically, his voice would break in over the music and he would tell me how good I was doing. Intellectually I knew that was what he tells EVERY patient. Intellectually I knew that he was simply practicing good "bedside manner." But my emotions were telling me, "yea. I am doing good. I am holding so still. In fact, I will hold my breath so I can be even more still. They will really think I'm a good patient then. They will really get good images of my shoulder." Isn't that silly??

Now to relate that to my marriage. I am on my second marriage. My first marriage lasted 20 years and I gained a lot of experience on how to be a good spouse. So, I was excited about putting into practice all those attributes with my second marriage. Boy was I gonna make my new husband proud!

As time went on, however, it became painfully apparent that my new husband didn't take notice of all these things. He told me that he loved me whether I did anything or not. That confuses me. I guess he could have married anyone and been happy.

I kinda feel displaced. My talents seem to be a waste now. Isn't that ironic, that the very thing I long for is to know that I'm pleasing someone and I don't get a word from my husband.

2 Comments:

At 12:22 PM, Blogger Nicole said...

I can relate. It would be amazing how much an effect a few spontaneous compliments would have on my marriage, and we've only been married 2.5 years. Sometimes men just don't get the whole 'positive reinforcement' thing.

 
At 7:07 PM, Blogger Cyclothymic Cister said...

Hi Nicole. Thanks for commenting. I clicked over to your blog site and I see that we share a similar faith. My husband and I actually taught a marriage class at a church. The first topic was "Building your Mate's Self Esteem (Dennis & Barbara Rainey) and we went on to teach many other studies. You would think my husband would have learned the importance of compliments. He does compliment me on rare occasions and I bask in it for a long while.

 

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